I'm here again, trying to get lost in these pages but I can't stop thinking about what they did to me, to my soul and to him.

Why do I keep thinking about my past...?

And I hate admitting this, even to myself, but I shouldn't have allowed anyone around me.

I knew better. I knew what I carried inside me wasn't gentle or safe.

I knew people like me aren't meant for closeness. We bruise. We break. And everything we touch eventually gets dragged into the darkness we try so hard to hide.

But still... I let them come near.

I let them sit beside me.

I let them mean something. And now I regret it.People say time heals.For me, time sharpened the knife.

I was supposed to die that night too.Sometimes I wish I had.

But I didn't.

And now every breath I take feels borrowed , stolen from the people who deserved to live more than I do.

So I made a promise.

To my mother.

To my father.

To the girl I used to be.

I shouldn't have met you......Jay"

- Shivika Malhotra

It all started a decade ago.

The auditorium glowed under soft, golden lights. Teachers spoke in hushed voices and proud smiles. The stage, draped in rich fabric and adorned with a line of shining trophies, looked almost unbelievable.

The atmosphere was thick with excitement and silent prayers. Parents sat in the front rows, fingers crossed, eyes glowing with hope.

On the stage, the trophies shimmered like tiny suns, waiting to find their hands. And when someone's name was announced, their friends clapped the loudest, cheering until their voices cracked. It wasn't just an award ceremony; it was a moment where dreams were coming to life..a step closer to their ambitions and those trophies; the subtle Triumph of success.

" And now we welcome the one who not only honoured our school but also the whole city of Lucknow.....our state Topper of CBSE 10th boards batch 2014-2015..... SHIVIKA MALHOTRA"

The hall erupted into applause, bright and overwhelming.

She stood, legs trembling slightly, and walked toward the stage. The red carpet felt unreal beneath her shoes.

The spotlight hit her face warm, blinding, but strangely comforting. Teachers she had admired for years stood in a row, smiling wider than she had ever seen them smile.

When the principal placed the medal around her neck, he whispered just loud enough for her to hear,

"You've made the entire state proud, child."

Her throat tightened. She looked at the audience, in the direction where the parents were seated and she saw her grandparents. She felt tired completely, wonderfully tired.

But under that exhaustion was a deep, steady glow.A feeling that said, You survived it all. You earned this moment.

After climbing off the stage , she walked towards her grandparents with a soft smile.

Shivika's maternal grandparents Devrath Sharma and Anuradha Devi, her support system and her only ones who she can rely on. Her grandmother let out a prideful and admiring smile.

Once she was close to them, her grandfather opened his arms for shivika to embrace her old grandfather like she always does.

" Nana ji, I got this..." Shivika said , holding a medal to show them.

Her grandparents weren't just happy or proud by looking at her but deep down their hearts , they were living yet another time for their children's childhood, her parents Shiv Malhotra and Ambika Malhotra.

Their happiness wasn't loud applause but a gentle care.

And for shivika, the shine in their eyes was heavier than anything. The joy, the pride , the love in their eyes made her feel trusted, loved and responsible to live her life not just for herself but for that love which traveled generations.

After the ceremony, they went back to their home. Her grandparents' little world. A World where she and her grandparents lived happily by the memories of her parents on the side.

Shivika was loved.

Yes.

But loved as something fragile, something broken that must be handled gently.

She started measuring her existence by the inconvenience she was causing to the people surrounding her.

Then.

A phone rang on her landline telephone.

Anuradha was in her study room while devrath was shredding dried leaves in their mini garden.

She walked towards the telephone and picked up the call.

She heard sobbing at first. Her heart clenched with just a second of that sob.

" Hello-"

" Bohut himmat karke bol rha hu, shivika..." on other line , a person speaks but his voice came broken whisper.

" Sarita....." he swallowed hard.

" She is no more."

There's no warning, no time to prepare her face or her heart. She doesn't see her stillness.Her chest tightens. Her hands go numb. The phone grows heavy, as if it's pulling her downward.

Devrath came inside to see shivika still and talking to someone

" Shivu?" He called her softly.

Hearing her grandfather's voice , she turned but her knees gave up , he reached her quickly, grabbing her shoulders.

" Shivu? What happened? Who called?" He said , eyes fixed on her.

" Maasi-maa.....she-" she couldn't let a voice out her throat.

" What happened to Sarita?" He said.

Hearing the voices , Anuradha ran down to see but saw both of them kneeling on the ground. She rushed to them " what happened?" She asked with caution.

Shivika couldn't let her voice out again. And that's when her grandfather stood up and reached the landline telephone and saw it was from Mumbai. He dialled the previous number,

" Harivansh...what happened?" His voice, too, was trembling with fear.

" Pitaji....Sarita...is gone" He sobs even harder now.

He was too still as if a lightening struck on him which made Anuradha scared even more , while also holding Shivika in her arms.

"himmat karo..beta. Hum aa rahe hai waha...tab tak thoda sahas rakho"

Harivansh swallows hard, trying to keep his breathing normal.

" Ji...wahi kar rha hoon, pitaji. Nandini ke liye.." he said but it came as a whisper.

" Hum aa rahe hai..jab tak aapna or Nandini ka khayal rakhna" Devrath said and cut the call.

Anuradha looked at Devrath

" Sarita...."

" Yes...she is not between us..." he said , accepting the truth but kneeling on the ground was shivika, who considered Sarita as equal as her own mother, was devastated and shattered but she couldn't try. She can't cry.

Nandini needs her.

They arranged a sudden flight from Lucknow to Mumbai. They left at night and reached early morning.

As the car parked in front of Harivansh house, Shivika stepped out without carrying anything, the place was filled with people coming for support and mourning.

People sit close yet feel far apart. Some cry openly, others stare at walls, counting moments they cannot name. Even footsteps hesitate before touching the floor.

But shivika. She runs like her life depends on it.

Reaching the veranda, her knees buckled down as if the gravity itself pulled her down.

What she saw was the truth , she is yet to accept. Her maasi maa , Sarita. She was draped in a red saree like a bride but she was not smiling. She was peaceful. Too peaceful.

Nandini, Sarita's only daughter, was tired from crying her heart out and was sitting beside her mother. While two people were supporting Harivansh as he kept sobbing.

" Nandu?"

Nandini turned her face to see , only to release shivika had come to her.

She broke down and shivika reached for her and hugged her tightly while Nandini cried her heart out again like she was crying like a baby.

" Shivu dii....Maa...." She kept saying between her hurtful sobs which make people pity and hurt seeing a 15 year old losing her mother and that she will never see her mother in her upcoming life.

Shivika holds Nandini's trembling body close to her.

" Shant...Nandu. I'm here." Her own eyes were filled with tears daring to shed seeing her maasi maa's lifeless body.

Meanwhile Harivansh couldn't stop but sob on losing his partner, his wife and a friend.

Then,

Voices faded first. The walls, swollen with sobs and prayers, began to echo again. The air still smelled of incense and damp eyes, but a silent acceptance in people's heart to let it go.

The body was lifted, not like a person, but like a memory made careful. Shoulders bent. Steps slowed. Grief rearranged itself into duty.

The road to the cremation ground wasn't quiet with the mourning beat of the dholak, the breath of the shehnai, not mourning but passage. This was not an ending being dragged away; it was a journey being announced.

Shivika was holding Nandini firmly while Nandini was empty. Even when she was following the crowd to the cremation ground, she looked like she was defeated from everything.

At the cremation site , the music slowed and thinned, surrendering to the river wind. Smoke from other pyres drifted upward, carrying stories older than memory. Wood was arranged.

And finally, Sarita said goodbyes to the daughter, the husband, a daughter from another womb and a parent who looked after her even when her own parents gave up on her.

The Somashekher mansion was silent. They lived in the same house for 20 years but now it's different.

Everyone washed their feets , while Nandini was too lost to notice anything. Shivika kneels down in front of her and washes her feet and helps her clean her hands too. Bringing her dupatta to wipe her feets but Nandini stops her " dii.. it's fine.." she said with her hoarse voice.

She was weak , tired and still not in the state where she had accepted the truth and let her mother go.

Meanwhile, Devrath was handling all the aftermaths and Anuradha was helping in the house.

The Somashekher house is now impure not in literal sense but a household that has just witnessed death is in a transitional state, not fit for ordinary or sacred activity. Fire in the kitchen denotes stability and right now they weren't stable nor the situation was. Anuradha and devrath took the responsibility to take care of post rituals and traditions while shivika took care of Nandini.

And in the midst of mourning time , when ten days went by nobody knew. Nandini was getting better but Harivansh, he was a quiet person but now he stopped talking at all. He just answers your question.

The Asthi was collected before but now it was time to finally let her go and give her wishes for her next life.

Shivika and Nandini were sitting on bed when Devrath came up to them with breakfast. His famous poha that he made himself.

Both smiled.

" Nana ji , you're too jhakkaas" Nandini said with her usual bright smile looking at her plate of poha.

Shivika smiled softly, shaking her head in disbelief

" Stop using this slangs..will you? What is jhakkaas?" She made a annoyed face

While Nandini and devrath suppress their laugh looking at each other.

" Jhakkaas is a new thing...you, too use it.." devrath said , making hand gestures which should have been a hip hop gesture but it turned out to be just some crooked fingers.

Nandini laughed seeing Devrath , their grandfather making new generation gestures.

" Haan, Haan. You guys are sooo cool" she taunts them.

" Hum maasi maa ka Album nikaal rahe hai, jisko dekhna hai...follow me" Shivika said , stepping off the bed and going to the cupboard and taking out a heavy photo album.

" Hum? Or kaun?" Nandini teases Shivika a bit.

" Arey, sirf mein" Shivika retorted, making a disgusted face.

While again the duo chuckled.

They sat on the bed and kept the photo frame on the bed. They started going through not just the memories of Sarita's life but living her memories right in that moment.

Her college days.

Shivika smiled seeing her own parents with Nandini parents posing for a photo but one person made the trio's eyes widened. They were too busy and engrossed in mourning and looking after Nandini and Harivansh that they forget one more person who is also very dearest for them.

" Abhishek uncle?" Nandini points at the picture.

" Nana ji , Abhishek uncle?" Shivika said.

Devrath was dumbfounded. He was too engrossed in post rituals and taking care of the family, he forgot to inform Abhishek.

" Sorry, shivu. I don't....know..how I forgot him. It's a mistake on my part. I'm really sorry" Devrath murmured softly, knowing he done a very stupid thing and very to not let a old and dearest friend to know about his friend's demise was not just stupid but close to sin , according to devrath. He couldn't have courage to talk to Abhishek like his own child now.

Noticing the shift in his grandfather's behaviour, " Don't be sorry, Nana ji. I'll call him and tell him." Shivika mutters slowly with understanding about the situation.

Amidst all this , there was livelihood instead of mourning, Australia .The light here didn't glare. It rested on things.

Across the seas, and thousand miles away from them.

Here comes the face of the Malhotra Industry, Abhishek Raj sihna. One who kept the sinking boat alive till now.

It was early morning, sun was just came shatter some light of continuity to them without him knowing what really happened back in India

His phone rang. He picked it up instantly thinking it's a work related call.

" Abhishek uncle?" Shivika on the other side speaks with caution.

" Shivika ? Yes. Baccha! How are you ?" He was enthusiastic as always.

" I....I...want to tell you something" Shivika hesitated a little knowing what she was going to say might devastate him. It will devastate him.

" Yes.. continue" he said with a smile on his face. An adoration seeping through his face , of course. Shivika Malhotra is Shiv and Ambika's daughter. His friend's mini treasure.

" Sarita..maasi maa.....she passed away"

*******************************

What you think about this chapter?

Too many things to unfold and top many secrets to bury.

Keep reading ❤️

And to all who lost their

loved ones , The lose is unmeasurable yet the world measures it.

We need to keep going.

Bhagwaan ji will give you more happiness in your life, just wait and right now live the moment.

They will be very happy seeing you happy.